I did something terrible today. I really did ... even with the purest intentions i still made a terrible mistake. G2 test Feb 1st & I've been thinking every single day about driving & continously imagining myself behind the wheel by myself. It may seem silly to all of you & everybody else that are veteren drivers but I am really afraid of driving. I feel once i get that license it will be a tremendous milestone & growth for me. I'm really afraid being on the road b/c I know accidents can happen with our w/o our intention. Even the most careful drivers can be hit in the parking lot ... just by chance or fate & today was one of them. After a 8hr training session & emotionally situation to deal with ... it was just fated something i created in my own hands.

After dinner was finished ... I wanted to drive my friends car to yorku. im trying to gain as much practice as possible. My current situation .. the car my dad got for me is having braking issues & the mechanic we often come to see is on vacation & won't be back until who knows when. so the car is sitting in my garage & cannot be driven d/t the risk. i practice 2hrs once a week w/ an instructor outside of my program near York but the travel down & committment i make is really tiring. my parents car a 4x4 big cars in which i can't practice the same as a small car. i am a slow learner & nobody knows me more than me. i take many practice & tries to get simple things right. i am slow. im not really smart hands on ... & i take twice the time to understand certain things. im terrible at directions, im terrible at maps, im terrible at just working with my hands but i've practiced everything to be good at what i am doing.

early dinner i was in the drivers seat ... i had overlooked my gear & while i was trying to get out of the parking stall in reverse the gear was still in drive & i had ran into the car infront of me ... as a result the roof was dented 3-4inches up but it did not block the windshield & luckily the pick up truck infront of me was not damaged physically & he had not notice. thniking about the event i wanted to cry. it was my friends car & she was completely freaked out. the most lucky event it was only the roof & the mazda sign fell off, not the license. the roof was sealed tightly & we were able to drive it to a nearby shop. it was cold & we were in shock. she cried & my heart broke b/c it was my fault & i had not been careful.

... struggling what to do b/c it was our 1st time dealing with this situation but i knew i had to thnik & react quickly. my friend called her bf while they were in a midst of a relationship crisis. he had been so warm to help us out & drive the damaged car to a nearby shop before it closes; assessments haven't been made but i had taken the full responsibility of the damage & have promise to pay whatever it needed to be fixed. i coudln't explain how sorry i was & how extremely sorry i was. i kept replaying in my head how scared & terrified she must have felt but someone was there for her. during time of crisis i wanted to call him & ask him to come but i didn't & had instead asked for someone else, instead asked for help elsewehre. my heart was breaking. i was scared but i couldn't show it & worry anyone else around me.

but i am thankful everyone was ok. nobody was hurt, no 3rd person party was involved, no insurance is involved & its just money that needs to be taken care of. i was really scared but i had to thnik of the brightside. its just money, only the roof needs to be taken care of now. her bf can drive us to york we can still attend a compulsory orientation & a perfect excuse to escape parenetal criticism was planned. it was really bad .. & i feel completely terrible.